The post I wasn't going to publish...

I wrote this on my birthday in April-- just getting up the guts to publish it today...


I know what I've weighed at every significant point in my life. High school graduation- 132 College graduation- 161 Starting Teaching- 154 Marriage Proposal- 174 Wedding Day- 148 First Pregnancy -161 Second Pregnancy- 181 Third Pregnancy -194 After last baby- 211 Craig gets laid off- 191 Today on my 37th birthday-219


SERIOUSLY?????? 219 UGH- I'm grossed out just thinking about it-- So here I am, starting on my weightloss journey. Again...



I've been working with a trainer at Fitness Together, a studio here in the bubble. They rotate you through various trainers which is really cool because everyone has a different style. I started working out there in the fall but wasn't taking it seriously at all. I hardly was showing up and when I was, it was kindof a joke. I'd follow up a training session with a nice big Starbucks and a bagel or scone. (totally un-doing all the work I had put in).



I'm recommitting- I've worked out every day this week. I'm trying to make better food choices. I'm not drinking too much- mostly...



So I am thinking that if I commit to writing about this once a week, then I will feel accountable to someone other than myself---


Here's to it seeing less of me next week!

Spring Break madness

This year for spring break, we went to St. Martin with two other families. It was a magical and fun trip. From using passports for the first time to sailing on a pirate ship with Flat Stanley, the kids and the adults had an amazing time. Please excuse my straight-out-of-the-camera pictures/videos as I'm learining PhotoShop very slowly!

Watch:

All a-Twitter...

Twitter baffles me. I think it is cool and follow some really funny and interesting people, but I am astonished at who follows my Tweets. I'm really not that interesting...

I have 18 followers on Twitter-- Holla! (insert fist-pump here)
Here is the breakdown of my followers:
5 mommy bloggers or people related to said bloggers
8 friends
5 random people I've never heard of- two authors, two health gurus, and one young lady named SaharaXOXO

I think it is hilarious that SaharaXOXO decided to follow me. And she's not the first! How did she even find me? Does she think from my profile picture that I look like I'd be up for some fun? Has she read my recent Tweets about kids pooping on playdates and going to bed early? Do you think she's missing something in her life? It just cracks me up!

Thank you Sahara XOXO for making me laugh on a night when everyone else in the house is hysterically crying because they lost the privelage of watching Charley Brown's Valentines Day movie. (I told them to play nicely for 40 minutes- no fighting, no crying and we would have a surprise. Twenty minutes later, everyone was in bed. Good times, good times!)

Glorious snow!!!

Today is the most beautiful day we have had in a long time. It is a balmy 25 degrees, there are three feet of snow on the ground and it is sunny. Everything is glistening, fresh and beautiful. Since it is such a nice day, I dragged my three offspring and my husband outside to play.

When we first went out, it was just me and my little guy. He decided we were going on a nature hike to look for tracks. We traipsed through the feet of snow around our whole cul-de-sac looking at tracks. Any mark in the snow is a track when you are four and he was so creative. We saw panda tracks, lion tracks, polar bear tracks and bird tracks! All in my little suburb in NE Ohio! I just followed behind him wishing I had my new flip video camera because it was so fun and cute.

After we were about 2/3 of the way around our trek, CDub came out. He promptly climbed onto the mountain of snow left by the plow and said "I'm the king of the world" complete with Titanic hand motions. DH looked at me--"Has he seen Titanic?" "No!" "where did he learn this?" "School? The Bus? who knows? It is pretty cute, though!" "Yeah..." and then he decided to pelt CDub with a snowball to show him who is really king of this world!

Finally Bean decided to join us. She had been experiencing high levels of drama today as she woke up at 6:15-- ON A SATURDAY!!! We have found that if we just ignore the hysteria, it stops. So we went about our business and just kept playing. She got her act together and we made a tunnel through the plow mountain, we made snow angels and attempted a snowman, but the snow was just too fluffy! There was a bit of crying because her snow angel wasn't perfect. She seemed to get over it quickly, though, and kept playing!

The kids are all snuggled into their beds now after a warm mac-and-cheese lunch and mom is ready for a nap... and to go play more this afternoon!

Longest year of my life

So, one year ago today- give or take a week- my husband was laid off from his job. At first, it was a fun idea- we did lunches together, spent more time as a family than I ever thought possible, took a few extra family vacations and really enjoyed our time together. Spring became summer and he was still here. I gained twenty pounds because everyday seemed like a Saturday. Not only was he here, he wasn't really looking for work. In the fall, he promised to either start his company or start looking for work. He didn't do either. I have fought to keep it together as we slowly become roommates. He is always here. It would be one thing if he participated in the daily mom-shit that I have to do. I can count on one hand the number of times he has gone to the store or made dinner. He constantly yells at the kids because they aren't his perfect idea of what kids should be. There are days I can't stand the sight of him because he.is.always.here. It is like when you have a new baby and someone is always touching you. Some days, you just can't stand to be touched by one more person.

I don't know what to do. Today I feel like I am circling the drain as I hear him yelling at our four-year-old because he squirted toothpaste on the counter. He wasn't around to see the other two do the exact same things when they were four and, frankly, I liked it better.

The thing that worries me the most is that he will never look for a job and will always be here. Forty is WAY too young to retire. There is no way I will last for 40 more years of marriage if he doesn't get a job soon. I really feel like our marriage is dying a slow death every day he is home. I find this so depressing that I start to shut down. The only thing that keeps me from completely shutting down and/or leaving is our kids. And that I really do love my husband- very much- I just don't like him right now. I kind of wish someone read this blog so I could get some feedback... So unsure of what to do...

My kitchen smells so good!

So I'm taking dinner to a friend that had a baby today and I'm trying a new recipe- Butternut Squash Soup with Bacon and Apples. I'm also making homemade Mac and Cheese for the kids. It smells so good in my kitchen! I haven't been cooking too much lately just because I've been busy and/or lazy. I had almost forgotten how much I enjoy cooking- it is such a stress relief! I love the chopping and sauteeing and roasting and stirring. Mostly, I love making dinner at 2:30 in the afternoon. It makes my evening go so much more smoothly. I can spend time with the kids instead of parking them in front of the Wii while I cook dinner. (That being said, they will probably cry when I say we have to spend time together instead of playing the wii tonight!)



So here's the soup recipe- I'll update and tell you how it turned out. Ideally I'd post pictures of all the steps but I'm not even close to there yet!!!

Apparently, I'm not even to the point that I can paste in the recipe... I'll keep trying!

---back to add that the soup was SO GOOD! Still trying to get the recipe on here!

All I want for Christmas is a nap...

So much for daily blogging! Maybe my new year's resolution should be to blog once a week. I do find it helpful in keeping myself grounded that I can unload my thoughts/feelings here anonymously--that is until I'm discovered by anyone out there...

I am up to my eyeballs in getting ready for Christmas and am not much in the Christmas spirit this year. All I want to do is sleep. Every night someone has a bad dream or an accident and I'm up in the middle of the night making sure it's safe for the little ones to go back to sleep. My husband sleeps like the dead when he makes it up to bed from the couch so it is mainly left to me to solve the problems of the wee hours. I can change sheets of a bunk bed in about two minutes and can soothe a child back into safe slumber after a bad dream in about one.

But who is there to soothe Mommy back to sleep? A snoring Prince (not-so) Charming? The neighbors who leave their lights on all night illuminating my bedroom like a movie set? The dog who decides to throw up at 4:48am? Nope- I get in some of my best reading and thinking in between 3-5am. Once I'm up, I generally can't get back to sleep so this is the time I mentally check off lists for the house or gift lists. Sometimes I even throw in a load of laundry, but not too often. Usually I toss and turn for about an hour, read for about an hour, finally fall back to sleep around 5 and then someone has a bad dream around 5:30 at which point I give up and stumble downstairs for the first pot of coffee of the day.

I've heard that parenting young children is short years made up of long days. Someone forgot to add the part about the short nights.